You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
