What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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