you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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