I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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