this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
