I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
