Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
