You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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