I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
