I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
