i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
