somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
