I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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