dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
