The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
