U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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