I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
