The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
