I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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