I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
