fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
