i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
