i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
