you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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