haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
