Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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