she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
