she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
