I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am one with the molecules
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
