I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
