i love accidental penises.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
