I cannot find my penis.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
