He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
