watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
