Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
