Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
