I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
