so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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