he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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