Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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