I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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