i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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