i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
