first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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