I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
