I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
