God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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