you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
