I think I died a long time ago.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
