It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
