Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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